As parents, it’s always best to put on a united front but that doesn’t seem to happen very often. I feel like my spouse and I are always in the same story but on a different page.
We have different ideas, different views and we disagree A LOT.
As individuals , we form our decisions from our experiences, our knowledge and our feelings.
When I want to be lenient and give “the benefit of doubt”, he wants to be tough or strict.
When I am strict, he becomes soft.
I feel like we are always playing “good cop vs. bad cop“.
It’s like watching a yo-yo go up and down. It’ exhausting.
I often wonder what kind of message that sends to our kids, especially an addict who is already a master of manipulation. I’m sure it’s confusing. Hell, it’s confusing for me.
And I’m not just talking about addiction. We have disagreed on how best to handle many things.
As I have stated in my bio, both of my kids are gifted. I advocated for a grade skip for my daughter for years, to no avail. My husband thought she would be fine no matter what ” just” because she is smart. To me, being smart and bored can lead to bad things. I know this from my own personal experience.
The very thing I was trying to prevent happen to my daughter, happened to my son. Being smart, underchallenged and bored helped lead him down the path of drugs.
As for my daughter, a teacher finally recognized that she was giving up and losing her love and desire to learn. She recommended a grade skip. The rest is history .Four grade skips later, a college degree at 18 and off to graduate school.
So if we couldn’t agree on how to meet the educational needs of our daughter, how were we ever suppose to agree on how to handle our sons addiction?
Yes, we sought expert “advice” for year after year. Attended family counseling, private counseling, meetings. Educated ourselves as much as possible.
And to be honest, even so called “experts” disagree.
As parents, we just don’t always know what is the best way to handle something. Sometimes, we can only make decisions based on the information at hand, and most of the time, we will not know the outcome until much later.
So, I will just sit back, wait, watch and see.