It doesn’t matter who you are, loving an addict is painful. You can be a spouse, brother, sister, girlfriend or parent, it hurts just the same to watch someone you love become nothing but an empty shell of a person.

I have known no greater heartache than that of being an addict’s mom.

My heart has been crushed a million times over. My hope is dwindling down.

As I sit here and type, tears are rolling down my face. I can usually hold it together but today has been especially bad. I have transitioned from anger to tears and back to anger a million times in the past eight hours.

When you think things can’t be any worse, the addict surprises you and proves that wrong.

If you have a weak moment of heart, they take advantage of it.

When you want to believe in them, they lie straight to your face.

The only thing they love is the drug. And they will do anything to get it.

And we, the loved ones, are left hurting. Sometimes the pain is so great it becomes physical. And sometimes, I just want to crawl into a closet and cry and ignore everyone and everything. I just don’t want to deal with anything especially an addict.

I did absolutely nothing to deserve this pain except love my son, an addict.

Don’t get me wrong- I am usually a very strong person but just sometimes, the pain is to great to bear.

But instead of crawling my head into a hole, I did what I always do for the past 28 years- call my dearest friend, the one who’s son was killed by a drunk driver just 84 days ago.

She has her own pain to deal with and I could never imagine being in her shoes. But as usual, she always has the right things to say.

You see, her brother was an addict too. He died from his abuse. She understands.

He put her parents and family thru living hell. And that is exactly what addiction is to everyone involved, not just the addict.

What we all need is someone that understands.

As I have said before:

The addict has an escape-the drugs.

The family has no escape of the reality.

Published by Gatorgal

Just a wonderer thru life enjoying the ride.

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1 Comment

  1. It’s indescribable and yet you capture it so powerfully here. I’m grateful you have someone who understands the strange impossible and illogical reality that loving an addict is; it’s too lonely a place for most of us to tread alone. You didn’t deserve this, neither did your son. I know that you are on a path of uncertainty and it is so scary knowing there is nothing you can do to change it except wait and hope that he chooses to help himself – I hope some day he does. I also hope you are able to make time for yourself to do the things you can control, like the things you need to do to care for yourself. It’s so important, and so easy to forget. Thank you again for sharing, you are so brave and strong even in vulnerability.

    Liked by 1 person

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